Thoughts From a New Mom

It has been 5 days and 12 hours since our precious Liam was born and I still can't seem to wrap my mind around it. I am sitting here in his very first nursery, full of machines and wires, strange lights and computer screens and the constant hum of the technologies that are keeping him alive.  But I am filled with an indescribable peace (if only for a moment) that God is in complete control and has a really great reason for all of this.

We had so much that we were going to accomplish in the last five weeks of my pregnancy!   We were going to set up the nursery, take a breast feeding class, touch up the paint in the living room, complete our registries and have everything we needed, get a pedicure, wash all of his little clothes and blankets and have them organized by size and age.  And that is not half of it!  I guess God knows that I am a little obsessive compulsive and He likes to change the plans a bit sometimes.  He has shown me that no amount of preparation, cleanliness and organization can compare with holding the little miracle that He has blessed us with the very moment He chose for us to hold him. Despite all of his tiny little wires and fragile little body, there is nothing in the world that can compare to holding my Liam, smelling him, watching him breathe. 

So far, we have only been able to hold him once or twice a day, but I got to put him to my breast while the nurse fed him through a tube for the very first time.  Hopefully he will be able to associate the fullness in his belly with me.  I thank God for every little moment like this one.  

God has also reminded me of the enormous gift He has given me in Edwin. Edwin has been my rock, and super hero.  I know that you might disagree but I think that he deserves to be named "World's Greatest Dad".  He is tender, gracious, strong, tireless, and unconditionally devoted and in love with both Liam and myself. He sits in on the doctor's rounds every day and has come to understand the meaning of every medical word, machine and physical condition associated with our son. Some of the staff have even asked him if he has medical training! 

I can't wait for you to meet our little bundle.  I can't wait to take him home.  I can't wait to hold him and snuggle him whenever I want to.  But I am certain, for this moment, that God has just the right time for all of that.  And I know that he will be strong and fully grown before I finish processing all of this!  So for now, I will savour every moment, hospital machinery and all.